"The Prince Bride"

Written By: ShenLong & DBZVelena

Disclaimer: Neither DBZVelena or ShenLong own in any way, shape, form or matter any rights to the Movie/Book "The Princess Bride" All rights remain with Act III Communications and William Goldman, the appropriate copyright owners. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made here. This fic, "The Prince Bride" is based on this movie/book but with several twists and Yaoi content. This fic also contains many direct quotes and scenes from the movie/book.

Rating: Since both stories are rated PG.-13 and this fic is based on them. Most of the fic will be PG.-13. However be careful to check individual chapters to be sure. (Shenny might add a lemon, you never know...)

Warnings: Violence, romance, lime, fluff, cheesy-ness, AU, OOC, and lots more.

Pairings: Lots! *snicker*

Authors notes: DBZVelena: I'm the one that gotten the idea to do this and I nagged Shen until she said, she'd help me. And if you know me a lil bit, you knew there was no escape. So finally after she too saw the movie and told me she'd help, I started work on it right away.
ShenLong: Nagged! Now there's an understatement >_< lol. I mean, it's not as if I have anything else to work on right? *glares at pile of sequels and other half written fics she needs to finish* Anyways it is a good idea so I agreed to be the partner in crime ~_^

A Yaoi story based on the Movie/book The Princess Bride and Gundam Wing. This story is brought to you by the combined efforts of DBZVelena and ShenLong.

Archive: www.gundam-wing-diaries.150m.com www.DBZVelena's Madhouse.com Anyone else please ask.


"The Prince Bride"

Commenced. 2003 ShenLong & DBZ Velena


Chapter 23: Going to the Chapel


The priest fluffed his robes about his form and checked his appearance in the mirror. Satisfied he was dressed appropriately, he headed out into the small chapel to perform the ceremony. Approaching the altar he smiled as the couple began to kneel and then took in the rest of the congregation – and promptly faltered in his steps.

He cast his eyes around again, took off his glasses and wiped them before putting them back on his face. Nope, nothing had changed. He’d expected the chapel to be filled to overflowing, considering this was the wedding of the princess no less. But all he could see was a tired old king, mumbling old queen (the royal type, not the queer type), and at the back with four Maguanacs guarding the door was Count Khushrenada.

Checking his steps again, the elderly priest sniffed a little disdainfully. If he’d known there were only going to be these seven guests he wouldn’t have gone to all the trouble of having his special robes dry-cleaned for the occasion. Arriving at the altar and the pair still kneeling, he had to look twice, again thinking his eyes were playing tricks on him. He could have sworn there were a pair of handcuffs on the soon to be prince. Deciding that the couple were probably only getting a head start on their wedding night antics and that was something he really didn’t need to know about considering he was a priest and sworn to celibacy and all that other shit, he motioned for the pair to rise, opened his book and then his mouth...

“Mawidge...”

“Pardon?” Heero’s eyes widened and he looked up at the priest.

The priest, otherwise known as Father Maxwell, looked over the top of his glasses at the young man. “Is there a pwoblem?”

“Ah, no. I guess not.”

“May we continue?”

“Yes, by all means, Father Maxwell, keep going and hurry it up,” Relena snapped, jerking on the chain she had attached to Heero’s handcuffs to keep the man in place.

“As I was swaying... Mawidge, Mawidge is what bwings us all togewer today...”

“Where the hell did you dig him up from?” Heero hissed to Relena.

“He’s a respected and fine priest.”

Heero gave her a look that clearly said she was off her rocker.

“He was the only one I could get at such short notice. He runs an orphanage somewhere in La Grange quadrant 2. Now, just shut up and only speak when he tells you to repeat after him.”

Heero shuddered at the thought of repeating anything the priest should say, it was going to be a bitch to try to talk like that!

“Mawidge, the bwessed awwangement, that dweam wiffim a dweam...” the priest continued.

~ Meanwhile, outside the castle ~

The Maguanacs, plus the twenty in training Maguanacs were all crowded around by the gate to the castle, jostling each other as they shoved and pushed to get a better view of the ‘magazine’ one of them had brought along to read and pass the time. Suddenly a blonde in the middle of the Maguanacs gave a sort of squeak.

“Okay, who touched him?”

Instantly the rest of the group stilled, all shaking their heads in denial of any accusation.

“I don’t give a shit who touched him, you're all on report,” came the booming voice of Rashid as he approached the group. Out of the corner of his eye he caught a movement and turned to see what it was. “Oh shit,” he exclaimed and snatching up the blonde, dived through the pack to the back. “Stand your ground men,” he ordered.

The rest of the Magunacs and those in training, turned to see what had their illustrious leader shitting himself – and froze.

Approaching through the mist was an enormous figure, seeming to float above the ground, face partially hidden by a hood and the body completely enclosed in a cloak.

“I am the Dread Pirate Shinigami and I have a message for you.” The elf/man did his best to keep his voice deep and threatening.

“A message?” Rashid asked from his position at the back of the group.

“Yeah. Exterminate; Exterminate; Exterminate; Exterminate... Ow! What the?”

“Idiot!” hissed Wufei and poked Trowa in the back of the calf from behind where he was pushing the wheelbarrow with Trowa in it, Duo draped across his back. “That’s the wrong fucking show. This isn’t Dr Who and the Daleks!”

“DR Who?” asked Trowa, a tad confused.

“That’s what I said, DR Who.”

“I know that, but who, DR Who?”

Wufei rolled his eyes. “Forget it and just stick to the script will you!”

“Okay. I am the Dread Pirate Shinigami. I have something for you,” the elf/man boomed out.

“Now?” questioned Wufei. His arms were getting tired from supporting the weight of Trowa, who wasn’t as light as he looked. Besides, having Duo draped across his back and rubbing against him with every step he took was playing havoc with his hormones.

“Not yet,” replied Duo

Wufei pushed Trowa a little closer.

“My men are here, I am here and I bring you reading material so that you all soon may not be here,” Trowa stated.

“Eh?” muttered Rashid and scratched his head. “That didn’t make a whole lot of sense.”

The Maguanacs and those in training all paused as their ears pricked up. “Reading material?” shouted one. “What sort of reading material? If it’s Readers Digest you can go take a hike.”

Wufei was almost on his knees, and it wasn’t from pushing Trowa in the wheelbarrow either. Nope, his hormones had taken over completely and his body was starting to beg for something. “Now?” he asked Duo again, hoping the black man would grant his body the desire it craved.

“Yes, now,” Duo replied.

Wufei stopped pushing the wheelbarrow and sank to the earth, legs slightly spread. Much to his disappointment, Duo slid off him and to the side.

Trowa, meanwhile, had heard the ‘yes, now’ bit and began to open up his cloak.

Forty Maguanacs, twenty in training Maguanacs, one leader and a blonde, all opened their eyes wide and licked their lips in anticipation.

“The Dread Pirate Shinigami never takes it up the ass; or is it never takes survivors?” Trowa said. “Oh well, not to worry,” he muttered to himself and continued. “All your favorite fantasies and wet dreams are about to come true...”

~ Meanwhile, back in the chapel ~

Father Maxwell was warming to his task. It had been a while since he’d conducted a ceremony of any sort. He couldn’t understand why he wasn’t asked to preside over weddings, baptisms or even funerals. Oh well, it didn’t matter, he was conducting a wedding ceremony now and by gundanium he was going to enjoy it!

Completely ignoring the muffled noises coming from outside, he continued.

“Ven wuv, twoo wuv, wiw fowwow you fowever...”

Also hearing the disquiet coming from outside, Relena turned to where Treize was leaning against a pillar playing ‘paper, rock, scissors’ with one of the guards. Pulling a spare hair tie from within her pocket, she ‘fired’ it at the Duke.

The hair tie caught Treize on his cheek and he winced with the sting of it. He looked up to see Relena glaring at him and immediately stood to attention.

Relena gave a sharp nod, and almost put her neck out.

Treize didn’t wait to see if she had or not, he took off towards the chapel door, dragging the unwilling guards with him. They all wanted to wait and see if her pinkness pulled this wedding off or not – there was some serious cash riding on the outcome.

~ Outside the castle ~

“The Dread Pirate Shinigami has something for you all.” Trowa paused and dipped his hand inside his pants.

The forty Maguanacs, twenty wanna be’s, Rashid and one blonde all held their collective breath as eyes prepared to glaze over.

From deep within his pants, Trowa pulled out a bunch of magazines and began to toss them to the crowd. “Here you are, lots of hot reading and equally hot bods to go with it,” he said as he threw the boy toy magazines willy nilly.

“WTF?” Wufei spluttered.

“Don’t worry, I kept a couple for you,” the elf/man replied with a smirk.

“That’s not what I meant!” Wufei choked out. “Where did you get all those from?”

“Stuff where he got them from, I wanna know his secret of hiding them. Man, what I wouldn’t give to have that sort of storage space,” Duo complained.

“If you must know, I kind of borrowed them from Miracle G’s place.”

“What the hell would that old geezer want with those sort of... Never mind, I don’t want to know.” Wufei shuddered.

Meanwhile, the forty Maguanacs and twenty ring-ins had all pounced on the magazines, practically ripping each other’s hair out in an attempt to grab a magazine. As each succeeded in laying their hands on a copy, so they took off to find quiet corners, out of the way places and anywhere remote to jerk off in peace as they perused the eye candy.

“Stay where you are!” Rashid yelled to his fast disappearing troops.

“No way!” came a reply. “We’re not hanging around to satisfy your voyeuristic streak!”

“That’s not what I meant! Where’s my copy?!” Rashid turned and found himself deserted, well there was one blonde left with him. Seeing the troops disappear and the advancement of the ‘enemy’, Rashid grabbed the blonde and ran like shit to the castle doorway where he hit the button that would lower the portcullis.

~ Back inside the chapel ~

Father Maxwell was having the time of his life, continuing on despite the lack of numbers. “... so tweasuwe your vruv... “

Hearing the scuffle getting louder outside, Relena leaned forward and hissed. “Skip to the end – now!”

Father Maxwell humphed a little but did as asked. “Have you the wing?”

“Wing?” echoed Heero. “I didn’t know we were going flying.”

“He said ring, not wing,” Relena snapped.

“No he didn’t. I distinctly heard him say ‘wing’.”

“Wing, ring, what’s the difference,” Relena growled and pulled out a ring from within her pocket, only to blush. “Errr... sorry. Wrong ring, that’s for later,” she apologized and hastily shoved the cock ring back in her pocket and pulled out the right one.

As Relena produced the ring, so the screams and moans from outside began to get louder.

Hearing the sounds, Heero’s ears pricked up and he turned to Relena with a smirk. “I can hear my Duo coming now. Isn’t that the most sexiest sound you ever heard? I told you he would come for me and he is.”

~ Outside the castle ~

Spotting Rashid taking off with the blonde and the gate starting to lower, Duo cried out. “Trowa! The portcullis.”

“The what?” asked Trowa as he removed his cloak.

“The portcullis, you know, the iron gate thingy.”

“Oh, that. Why didn’t you say so?”

“I just did,” muttered Duo.

Trowa moved with long strides to where the portcullis was starting to lower and grasped it firmly in his hands. Forcing the iron gate back up, he grunted with the effort.

“Ohhh, what lovely muscles, and such strength,” Rashid thought to himself as he practically drooled at the physical display.

~ In the chapel ~

Relena grabbed Heero’s handcuffs and jerked his left hand up. With the ring in her hand, she shoved the piece of cheap tin over the fingernail and along the digit to rest at the base of Heero’s ring finger. With a triumphant smirk, she announced. “Your Duo is dead.”

Heero gave her a serene smile – well, it was supposed to be serene only given Heero’s features it looked more like a grimace of pain – and shook his head in denial.

“Denial is a stupid thing,” Relena began.

“You should know,” Heero muttered.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“Your Duo is dead and I know this because I killed him myself,” Relena stated with a smug smirk.

“Thou shalt not kill!” gasped Father Maxwell.

“Oh, put a sock in it for a minute,” Relena snapped.

Father Maxwell promptly shut up.

Heero continued to try to smile. “If you killed him then why is there fear in your eyes? A good assassin never shows fear, that’s one of the first things they taught us at the school of assassins; or maybe you didn’t attend that school...”

Relena rolled her eyes.

~ Outside ~

Rashid had recovered from his drool attack and now found himself pressed against the main gate, the blonde held in front of him as a barrier.

Duo, Trowa and Wufei were closing in fast.

“Quatre?” Trowa suddenly said as he squinted at the blonde. “Is that you?”

The blonde blushed and ducked his head.

“Well fuck me, it is him,” Wufei said as his eyes raked over the form.

“Nice duds,” Duo commented from where he was half standing, half propped against Wufei.

“I didn’t know you were into cross dressing,” Trowa smirked and added a leer for good measure.

“I’ll have you know this is a harem outfit,” huffed Quatre.

“Boys, oh boys? Calm the libido for a minute will you, we have a job to do,” Duo reminded them, “and I don’t mean a blow job either.”

Four disappointed grunts met his ears.

Turning to Rashid, Duo spoke again. “Give us the gate key.”

“Gate key? I’m not the gate keeper. I think you need to find the set of Ghostbusters for that.” Rashid did his best to look completely innocent and honest, something that he failed miserably at.

Wufei sighed. “I’m really starting to get fed up with all this bullshit. All I want to do is get my revenge and then get laid. Is that too much to ask? Yet I’m thwarted at every turn. I’ve been waiting twenty years and I’m now so close and yet I’m still having to wait.”

“Shit! Twenty years? No wonder you’re pissy. I’d be cracking the shits too if I had to wait twenty years to get laid,” Rashid replied.

“Twenty years for my revenge, not to get laid you idiot!” Wufei barked.

“Ah, sorry.”

“Trowa, rip his arms off, then his legs, maybe you could turn him into a eunuch whilst you're at it.”

Trowa stepped forward and cracked his knuckles.

“Gate key? You mean this gate key?” Rashid whipped out a a key which Wufei took and looked at.

“That’s not the gate key, that’s a key to handcuffs,” Wufei snorted.

“Ohhh, so that’s where that went,” Quatre said and looked hopeful.

Blushing, Rashid fished in his pocket again and this time produced the right key.

~ Back in the chapel ~

“And do you, Pwince Heewo...’

Relena scowled and fixed the priest with a glare. “Cut to the chase, priesty. Say man and wife – say it – man and wife.”

Father Maxwell looked a little ruffled, but did as he was asked. “Man and wife.”

“Good. That’s that done,” Relena crowed and turned to her parents. “Take him to the honeymoon suite, I’ll be there very shortly,” she ordered and shoved Heero towards her father.

Unfortunately, the king wasn’t as steady on his pins as he used to be, age does that to a king and he found himself knocked to the floor, a blushing Heero on top of him who was scrambling to get off. The king’s heart rate sped up and threatened to beat right out of his chest.

“Sorry, your highness,” Heero mumbled as he stood up and gave the king a hand to his feet. Turning in the direction Relena had run off, a sad look passed through Heero’s eyes, his mouth drooped and he had to bite back the tears.

“I know I heard him screaming. I could have sworn it was him, and yet...” Heero looked with longing at the door of the chapel.

“My Duo always said he would come for me – not for anyone else, just me. Sounds like he’s already come for someone which means he won’t be coming for me, at least not for a while, although that depends on recovery time and all.” Heero gave a sigh. “I don’t believe it, my Duo didn’t come for me...”

~ * ~

tbc...


Chapter 24

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